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Don't let "instinct" get the better of you

There has been an ongoing question in my mind for a few years, evoked by friends and strangers.

The friends are yearning for a relationship that doesn’t exist, a wedding that is far more important than a marriage… and a life that looks polished to perfection! They are fixated on the idea that one should get married (and have a huge and expensive wedding), then have children and live a seemingly fairytale existence. It is at this point that my opinion slaps them into reality and I tell them about ‘real-life’ people who have had all these things and yet they are unhappy.

I remember seeing a dad with his children at the zoo, his face couldn’t lie- this wasn’t exactly the life he had in mind all those years ago. The lines on his face were traced with regret, anger, resentment and confusion.

It was at this point where I began to ask- why do people have children?!

So my first and obvious point of reference was my parents. My mom didn’t really answer she said that she wanted to get married because she wanted to have children. That was it- she simply just wanted to have children. I guess that is what one would call instinct. And her instinct proved her right!

My dad- being his usual philosophical self- said something that I will never forget  “…By giving you life, I am also giving you death- I am so sorry.” I don’t think he had thought of it that way until the words came out of his mouth.

Neither of my parents ever wanted to live their lives through their children. They didn’t want us to right their wrongs, or better their achievements, let alone match them. They just wanted us to be ourselves, and to be happy. While this may sound quite obvious and clichéd to some of you, trust me- I never ever take it for granted.

I have friends and family who spend their existence trying to be what their parents were (or weren’t)… or even just someone they would like to be, instead of just being who they are, all to gain their parents’ approval.

This is what we do, it is instinctive. Our parents are the ones who brought us into this world; of course we want to impress them!

So back to my question- why do people have children? When I began asking this I was not a lot younger than I am now, but I was definitely in a very different head space. And my conclusion then was quite cynical- the reason proved to be an egotistical one. People I asked wanted to see themselves produce a more perfected version of… well themselves. There is a lot of truth in this.

I know instinct plays a huge role here. But as we ‘evolve’ as a species, I am not so sure our instinct is something we should rely on anymore.

I think we have a great responsibility in this question. And I don’t think that we are all taking responsibility for the answer.   

I do know that one day when I have children I will be sure to let you know why.

And All the Spaces in Between

“Fashion has these fabulous moments that are so psychologically twisted it’s scary!”- Clive Rundle

And all the spaces in between

On Saturday I went to an installation by Erica de Greef on the body of work produced by Clive Rundle. She has titled this exhibition/installation “About Memory.”

My immediate responses to the title were- is it a retrospective of his work? Or is it a personal recollection? Would these questions be answered?

Erica walked me through the exhibition. One of her basic precepts was to examine Clive’s work ‘geographically’ and not chronologically. I found this fascinating. I had so many questions. And I think that that is what she wanted. It was more about the questions than the answers. There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answers.

What fascinated me, from an intensely personal point of view, was that the central theme seemed to be about the ‘negative’ spaces.

When you study art, you learn about composition and how important ‘negative’ spaces are, indeed, without them, the ‘positive’ spaces do not exist. Erica and I spoke about the major ambiguity contained in this specific use of language, and its mirrored effects. ‘Negative’ is not necessarily ‘bad’, and ‘positive’ not necessarily ‘good’. Strangely, the two could be seen as synonymous, and in some cases, interchangeable.

What happens around us makes us who we are, in the same way that everything around the exhibition was the exhibition- we were the exhibition, and our presence was an essential part of the installation.

We spoke about the mirror- the mirror in its physical space and its ‘positive’ or literal uses, and then the effects of the mirror, depending on where you stand, and who is looking into it; on which side of the mirror you stand, and all the spaces in between. In this case, for me, the mirror was not the huge reflective surface leaning into the installation, but rather the solid surface with the figure cutouts that was reflective.

After the walk-through, Clive spoke to us about the shoot he had just been on. He had provided the full wardrobe for a short (2 and a half minute) film that was being shot over three days. The film is to be screened at the Cannes Festival.

It was this interaction with him that elicited many more questions.

This response was extremely fascinating and entertaining for me, personally, especially because I have worked on film sets, in the wardrobe department for several years.

I was now being offered a fresh perspective of the experience from a completely different point of view- that of the designer and artist, and an intriguing person such as Clive.

For him, it was all about composition- what appealed to his eye, what held a sense of mystery for him. His world is a visual one, and yet its context changes from moment to moment, and person to person.

He had taken his own photographs on set, from in-between and behind the scenes.

He spoke to us about a few of them and how, for him, it was the unanswerable meaning of ‘composition’.

The real storyline, from his point of view, lay in the ‘negative’ spaces. It was the model leaving set with huge bundles of fabric she was wearing, crouching in the veld, looking like she was picking potatoes, like she was always meant to be there.

There was only one theme, he said, through that experience, and through this installation- it was “relentless”? What was relentless? Was it his experience? Was it the theme of the installation? Was it his life’s work? Or was it my endless questioning?

It was beyond the veil, the rock surface, past the literal and even beyond the figurative. It was about the ‘why’, the ‘other’.

Why has the cinematographer chosen to compose his shots with this collection of clothing (over years and years) in the way that he did? What was his interpretation? What had this experience done for the narrative of the clothing? For Clive and the viewers? And for Erica? And the installation?  There are no definite answers. The importance does not lie in the answers… but the questions, and the ‘negative’ spaces, and everything in between.

This is the narrative:- does it resonate?

 The exhibition is on at the Afronova Gallery, 155 Smit St, Braamfontein until the 24 July.

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Getting all religious in the change room

On Wednesday night I was lucky to attend the launch of a new Religious store.

Now before you think Bible bashing and God-bothering, try edgy street-wear and stylishly slimmed silhouettes, and a-symmetrical detail.

It's the kind of brand that makes you really want to be cool. You want to be Religious!


 Religion was introduced to South Africa, from London, almost a year ago- its symbol a skeleton, its bible a seasoned look-book. It is aimed at the stylishly grunge and the elegantly street-smart.


Definitely worth a purchase or two!

Religion: 44 Stanely Ave, Aukland Park, Jhb.

ORIGAMI AND FASHION

Origami is like a cryptic crossword: a mind-meddling puzzle that taps into a certain part of the brain, a part of which mine has not yet (fully) developed!

My new venture in Origami brooches made out of fabric, has proven to be quite the challenge. I am still making them, trying new shapes and methods... but these are some I have done thus far.

You can buy them from me, privately at the moment, and I will keep you posted as to where you can buy them from stores... soon.

This is just a sneak- peek!!!

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Rosy Is My Relative

I’ve just read an article in the July issue of Marie Claire about older models being cast in catwalk shows which has inspired me to talk about my dearest relationship with fashion- that of the Vintage genre.

Personally I feel a very strong affiliation with The Past, and in particular, the 1920’s, and not just in terms of fashion but also with architecture, music, dance and the like, as I know that these are synonymous with fashion.

The Marie Claire article reminded me of my dear friend who is a Silver Siren on the fashion front. She is the owner of Reminiscene, an enchanting vintage clothing store in 7^th Street Melville, Joburg.

And so begins my journey through the world of the Past. It has a sublime sense of escapism. And I travel through it with Rosemary.

I have spent a few afternoons in the back garden with Rosy, sipping on Champaign and listening to her intriguing stories of her life, gazing at our companions literally hanging around us, feeling very comforted.

The clothes that dress the store have their stories too.  They have traveled and have adorned perhaps more than one companion. I feel this great sense of history and an overwhelming sense of content sadness. I feel that now that I have gotten to know the story teller of Reminiscene, I see why she has the passion for what she does, it’s as if she surrounds herself with these stories which have traveled, like her, a journey of complexities and simplicities alike.

Their past is exactly that, and it is what makes them.

What is it about fashion and the past? “Silver Sirens” of the Catwalk? There is a great respect demanded and earned. These faces and fabrics have lived, and more than that, have survived, a changing world, and very erratic industry.  And unlike “Ten Years Younger” they have embraced their age and come out on top.

Your history forms a prominent part of your identity.

It is, without doubt, the fabric of you.

The Ugly Truth

Upon getting a bit of ‘slouch time’ on my couch the other eve I was channel hopping and came across “Ten Years Younger Australia”. Don’t get me wrong, I am no avid fan of Reality T.V. but admittedly I do like to see things made-over. When ugly things get transformed into beautiful things, it gives me a sense of relief.

Now when I think back, I realize how lucky I am to have grown up during a major revolution. I don’t think I will ever really grasp how important this revolution is, and in a way, I almost want to reject it. This is of course the techno-revolution. Technology has grown, changed and continues to evolve at such a rapid pace that “Back to the future” doesn’t seem as trivial after all.

I remember sitting in my English class in grade ten and my teacher gave us a lesson and a project to do on the “New Thing” that had hit our television shores: Reality T.V. I remember thinking that it was a stupid idea and that I personally do not want to see the “real” people in the celebrity and minion world. I want to escape into their seemingly unreal lifestyles.

This said, Reality T.V has come a loooooooonnnggggg way since then. It has become carefully crafted, casted, directed, produced and acted. In fact, it isn’t at all “Real”, it’s more a version of the truth, a new genre in film and television in it’s own right.

So there I was waiting for miss ugly and her husband to be cut into a more beautiful version of themselves, a younger version. And so the challenge unfolds- there are two teams. As if it wasn’t bad enough to compare two strangers, and then two friends, now they were comparing spouses!

Team One- makeover their old and tired canvas using only brushes and paint. No hard surgery and at the most a bit of injecting some of this here and a bit of that there.

Team Two- are all about going under the knife.

Then they slap in some “confidence boosting” trapeze swinging or acting classes and they both get a full new wardrobe- all in ten days!

At the end of the program I wait avidly for the two transformations to be revealed, so I can get my quick trivial fix on the ugly truth. Surprisingly I feel a very strong sense of sadness. I see the new couple- who look like Aussie versions of Barbie and, in this particular case, um… Derek (remember, Ken’s best friend).

I felt so ashamed that I was part of the addiction fuelling these makeover shows, realizing that the truth of being old and being humble and modest (Adam and the Garden of Eden spring to mind) was being shunned. You simply weren’t good enough being the best version of you, no. You have to be a younger, more plastic version of the truth. And might I just add here, that for some reason all the couples end up looking the same.

They keep churning out versions of Barbie, Ken, Derek and Skipper!

So not only are you not good enough aging, but now you get to look just like millions of other people out there. A generic 21st century Third Reich if you will.

I thought we were all on the same mission in life- to be unique! I guess not…

So what is the message here? Please don’t, at any stage of your existence, feel good about yourself. Don’t think that you looking your age, or dare I say it- older, is ever a good thing. And I am just as bad for wanting to watch it!

I know some people think that what is being done here is a good thing. They are helping people who are not confident, boosting their self-esteem, rediscovering their youth. But the truth is, and it may be an ugly one, that at some point you will age… or you will end up like Meryl Streep and Goldie Horn in Death becomes Her. And do they really think that all that plastic and make-up will suffice for a more confident you.

Looking great is one thing, but being ok with who you are, is something technology, money or Reality T.V. can’t buy. That is the humble truth.

But one thing I am for, is definitely update your wardrobe!

gabbing all over

Hallo viewers and fellow bloggers.

Indeed I have been very quiet on the blog for quite some time...
But now I am updating my wear-abouts much more frequently!

I have a few very exciting garbs to gab about over the next few weeks... so watch this space!

A hint... my most recent exploration and inspiration is origami. I am trying something a little different with the art and fashion.

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