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Don't let "instinct" get the better of you

There has been an ongoing question in my mind for a few years, evoked by friends and strangers.

The friends are yearning for a relationship that doesn’t exist, a wedding that is far more important than a marriage… and a life that looks polished to perfection! They are fixated on the idea that one should get married (and have a huge and expensive wedding), then have children and live a seemingly fairytale existence. It is at this point that my opinion slaps them into reality and I tell them about ‘real-life’ people who have had all these things and yet they are unhappy.

I remember seeing a dad with his children at the zoo, his face couldn’t lie- this wasn’t exactly the life he had in mind all those years ago. The lines on his face were traced with regret, anger, resentment and confusion.

It was at this point where I began to ask- why do people have children?!

So my first and obvious point of reference was my parents. My mom didn’t really answer she said that she wanted to get married because she wanted to have children. That was it- she simply just wanted to have children. I guess that is what one would call instinct. And her instinct proved her right!

My dad- being his usual philosophical self- said something that I will never forget  “…By giving you life, I am also giving you death- I am so sorry.” I don’t think he had thought of it that way until the words came out of his mouth.

Neither of my parents ever wanted to live their lives through their children. They didn’t want us to right their wrongs, or better their achievements, let alone match them. They just wanted us to be ourselves, and to be happy. While this may sound quite obvious and clichéd to some of you, trust me- I never ever take it for granted.

I have friends and family who spend their existence trying to be what their parents were (or weren’t)… or even just someone they would like to be, instead of just being who they are, all to gain their parents’ approval.

This is what we do, it is instinctive. Our parents are the ones who brought us into this world; of course we want to impress them!

So back to my question- why do people have children? When I began asking this I was not a lot younger than I am now, but I was definitely in a very different head space. And my conclusion then was quite cynical- the reason proved to be an egotistical one. People I asked wanted to see themselves produce a more perfected version of… well themselves. There is a lot of truth in this.

I know instinct plays a huge role here. But as we ‘evolve’ as a species, I am not so sure our instinct is something we should rely on anymore.

I think we have a great responsibility in this question. And I don’t think that we are all taking responsibility for the answer.   

I do know that one day when I have children I will be sure to let you know why.

And All the Spaces in Between

“Fashion has these fabulous moments that are so psychologically twisted it’s scary!”- Clive Rundle

And all the spaces in between

On Saturday I went to an installation by Erica de Greef on the body of work produced by Clive Rundle. She has titled this exhibition/installation “About Memory.”

My immediate responses to the title were- is it a retrospective of his work? Or is it a personal recollection? Would these questions be answered?

Erica walked me through the exhibition. One of her basic precepts was to examine Clive’s work ‘geographically’ and not chronologically. I found this fascinating. I had so many questions. And I think that that is what she wanted. It was more about the questions than the answers. There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answers.

What fascinated me, from an intensely personal point of view, was that the central theme seemed to be about the ‘negative’ spaces.

When you study art, you learn about composition and how important ‘negative’ spaces are, indeed, without them, the ‘positive’ spaces do not exist. Erica and I spoke about the major ambiguity contained in this specific use of language, and its mirrored effects. ‘Negative’ is not necessarily ‘bad’, and ‘positive’ not necessarily ‘good’. Strangely, the two could be seen as synonymous, and in some cases, interchangeable.

What happens around us makes us who we are, in the same way that everything around the exhibition was the exhibition- we were the exhibition, and our presence was an essential part of the installation.

We spoke about the mirror- the mirror in its physical space and its ‘positive’ or literal uses, and then the effects of the mirror, depending on where you stand, and who is looking into it; on which side of the mirror you stand, and all the spaces in between. In this case, for me, the mirror was not the huge reflective surface leaning into the installation, but rather the solid surface with the figure cutouts that was reflective.

After the walk-through, Clive spoke to us about the shoot he had just been on. He had provided the full wardrobe for a short (2 and a half minute) film that was being shot over three days. The film is to be screened at the Cannes Festival.

It was this interaction with him that elicited many more questions.

This response was extremely fascinating and entertaining for me, personally, especially because I have worked on film sets, in the wardrobe department for several years.

I was now being offered a fresh perspective of the experience from a completely different point of view- that of the designer and artist, and an intriguing person such as Clive.

For him, it was all about composition- what appealed to his eye, what held a sense of mystery for him. His world is a visual one, and yet its context changes from moment to moment, and person to person.

He had taken his own photographs on set, from in-between and behind the scenes.

He spoke to us about a few of them and how, for him, it was the unanswerable meaning of ‘composition’.

The real storyline, from his point of view, lay in the ‘negative’ spaces. It was the model leaving set with huge bundles of fabric she was wearing, crouching in the veld, looking like she was picking potatoes, like she was always meant to be there.

There was only one theme, he said, through that experience, and through this installation- it was “relentless”? What was relentless? Was it his experience? Was it the theme of the installation? Was it his life’s work? Or was it my endless questioning?

It was beyond the veil, the rock surface, past the literal and even beyond the figurative. It was about the ‘why’, the ‘other’.

Why has the cinematographer chosen to compose his shots with this collection of clothing (over years and years) in the way that he did? What was his interpretation? What had this experience done for the narrative of the clothing? For Clive and the viewers? And for Erica? And the installation?  There are no definite answers. The importance does not lie in the answers… but the questions, and the ‘negative’ spaces, and everything in between.

This is the narrative:- does it resonate?

 The exhibition is on at the Afronova Gallery, 155 Smit St, Braamfontein until the 24 July.

http://www.elle.co.za/living/5-minutes-with-claudia-bentel/#comments

http://www.elle.co.za/living/5-minutes-with-claudia-bentel/#comments

http://www.elle.co.za/living/5-minutes-with-claudia-bentel/#comments

http://www.elle.co.za/living/5-minutes-with-claudia-bentel/#comments

Getting all religious in the change room

On Wednesday night I was lucky to attend the launch of a new Religious store.

Now before you think Bible bashing and God-bothering, try edgy street-wear and stylishly slimmed silhouettes, and a-symmetrical detail.

It's the kind of brand that makes you really want to be cool. You want to be Religious!


 Religion was introduced to South Africa, from London, almost a year ago- its symbol a skeleton, its bible a seasoned look-book. It is aimed at the stylishly grunge and the elegantly street-smart.


Definitely worth a purchase or two!

Religion: 44 Stanely Ave, Aukland Park, Jhb.